I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
