The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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