His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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