She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
