i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We left the knife in your bed.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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