I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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