Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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