yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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