Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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