why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
