rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
