I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
