My Higher Power is John Stamos
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
