it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
