Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
