your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
People in love make me want to vomit
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
