Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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