He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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