i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
