Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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