Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
