Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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