I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
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