I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
