haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
No stitches, just platelets and will power
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
