I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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