yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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