Three words: puerto rican gang bang
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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