i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
