So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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