I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
