i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
