the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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