Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
