I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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