What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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