So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
