Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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