she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
