I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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