I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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