i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
