then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
