He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
