Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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