3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
