I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
