I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
should my penis look like a turkey
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
