I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
