My pussy is not your playground.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
